People act like robots with their habitual patterns. It is very difficult to change those habits, it is almost impossible to change people. But we have the possibility to change ourselves. If we change ourselves, we can disrupt the mechanism that triggers and activates the behaviour patterns of people who always treat us in the same way.
You must have something that triggers your husband’s behaviour towards you. Think about this: Why does your husband do this to you and not to someone else? If you can find this, you will have found the triggering factor. If you can change accordingly, he will not be able to treat you the way he treated you before. This is a long-term and difficult solution.
There is also an easier solution. The easy solution is the method of the Naqshbandis. To disguise yourself by embroidery, that is, designing. This is not embroidery as you know it. True Naqshbandis make themselves invisible by weaving or designing life like embroidery. For example, a tailor on a corner may be a Naqshbandi and no one knows it. But from the beauty of the clothes he sews, the way he speaks, walks, smiles, is honest, etc., it is recognised that he is an extraordinary person. His obscurity adds depth to him. There is actually no other way to be sincere and disinterested today. Everything outside such a life design feeds the ego.
You too can be invisible like a Naqshbandi. The easiest way is not to tell anyone anything about yourself. You have to keep only what belongs to you between you and God. It belongs only to you and God. What goes on in the roots and capillaries of the rose flower and in the pores of its leaves is only for it and its God. Those who cross paths with the rose flower see only its dazzling colours and smell its breath-taking fragrance. But how do you become a Naqshbandi? How do you design your life like embroidery? Here are some steps that you can follow: Be mindful of your intentions. Before you do anything, ask yourself why you are doing it. Is it for the sake of God, or for the sake of your ego? Is it for the benefit of others, or for your own gain? Is it for the love of truth, or for the fear of falsehood? If your intention is pure, then your action will be pure. If your intention is impure, then your action will be impure. The Naqshbandis say: “The intention is the measure of the deed.” Be aware of your breath. Your breath is the link between your body and your soul. It is the sign of your life and your connection to God. By being aware of your breath, you can calm your mind, control your emotions, and focus your attention. The Naqshbandis say: “The breath is the key to the treasure.” Be grateful for everything. Everything that happens to you is a blessing from God, even if it seems otherwise. Everything that you have is a gift from God, even if it seems little. Everything that you lack is a test from God, even if it seems hard. By being grateful for everything, you can increase your happiness, reduce your complaints, and accept your fate. The Naqshbandis say: “The gratitude is the wing of the bird.” Be humble in everything. You are nothing but a servant of God, and a traveller in this world. You have no power, no knowledge, no wealth, no status, no merit, except what God has given you. You have no right, no claim, no expectation, no demand, except what God has decreed for you. By being humble in everything, you can avoid pride, arrogance, envy, and anger. The Naqshbandis say: “The humility is the crown of the king.” Be silent unless necessary. Your tongue is the source of many sins, such as lying, backbiting, gossiping, slandering, and cursing. Your tongue is also the source of many distractions, such as idle talk, jokes, arguments, and debates. By being silent unless necessary, you can guard your tongue, purify your heart, and listen to your soul. The Naqshbandis say: “The silence is the seal of the wise.” By following these steps, you can become a Naqshbandi, and design your life like embroidery. You can become invisible to the eyes of the world, but visible to the eyes of God. You can change yourself, and in turn, change the people around you. You can be a rose among the thorns, a light among the darkness, a pearl among the shells. You can be a Naqshbandi.
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