We were exposed to so much negative energy that everything in our lives went wrong. Before one problem ended, another one started. I believe in the energy phenomenon; it is natural for me to attribute problems to negative energy. The negative energy continues, and the troubles continue. Eyup's assignment in the department was terminated as of December 1; I was informed after the process was over, I could do nothing. I received a ridiculous fine of 900 liras (quite a good amount in 2017) today regarding our association; I couldn’t get it canceled. I want to break this vicious circle where the troubles never end, and in a sense, I am running away from myself.
I booked a flight to Istanbul for tomorrow. I don’t know what I will do there; maybe I will visit some old friends; maybe I will wander around the city; maybe I will just stay in a hotel and watch TV. I just need a change of scenery, a breath of fresh air, and a glimpse of hope. I don’t expect miracles, but I hope to find some peace and joy in this chaotic world.
We are not innocent because we always act with our minds, and acting with the mind means cunningness. In today’s class, we studied Mark Twain's The Luck and talked about the relationship between luck, stupidity, and innocence. One of my students, Yusuf, whom I love very much and feel that he understands me, told me about his grandfather. The man was a shepherd, and he was so pure and innocent that the wolves watched over his flock and did not let a single sheep get lost. As for us, even our shepherd dogs betrayed and stole sheep from our flock, let alone wolves protecting our sheep. We have forgotten the language of innocence, and that is why the problems never end.
Maybe I will find some innocence in Istanbul; maybe I will meet someone who will remind me of the beauty of life; maybe I will see a sign that will guide me to a better future. Maybe I will be lucky, maybe I will be stupid, and maybe I will be happy. Maybe I will write a new story—a story of hope and love, a story of overcoming negative energy, a story of finding the light in the darkness. Maybe I will be a new person—a person who can smile again, a person who can trust again, a person who can live again. Maybe. Just maybe.
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